the ELLA echo

the beach

we recently spent three wonderful days at the beach where my parents live.  it had been exactly two years since we were there last. 

there is something special about the beach to me. more days than not, i long to bring my child to the beach, to let her stand with her bare feet on the bare earth--to let her feel the water wash over her--to fill her ears with the sound that she hasn't heard since she left the womb, now nearly four years ago. 

some people look to the sky to find their place in the universe--some look to the mountains--i go to the sea.  water has been the medicine i have gone to again and again in my life, when i am sore, or tired, or grieving, or lonely--water soothes me and makes me whole again, it is the elixir that i crave and that i long for when it is missing.  there were whole days in my childhood that i spent in the ocean, moving in and out with the tide, letting the pull of the moon move me closer to and then further away from the safety of the shore.  those were the nights when i slept best--at peace with the earth because i had been at one with the her. 

in spite of my love of the sea, i've never chosen to live near her.  loving mother though she is, the sea has a temper too, and she doesn't confine her wrath to only those who abuse her.  but now that i am a mother too, i understand her better.  and i try to learn from her--to offer my child and my husband and all those i love some of the tender care the sea has offered me--comfort, and healing, and rest.

camp nighting

ella woke up at 2:45am and couldn't get back to sleep, so we got up and went into the living room to sit in the dark and watch the screensaver (don't laugh, we've done this since she was born and she loves seeing all the pictures of her family rolling by).

this time, she had an idea--she found her flashlight and wanted to make shadows.

suddenly, she stopped and announced, "time for camp nighting!".  she stuck the flashlight between the cushions in the couch and asked for march meadows and sticks.  then she taught me the fine art of roasting march meadows on the camp night:

i ate more march meadows this morning between 3am and 5am than i've eaten in the past two years, and i loved every bite.

looking back

when i first started blogging, i set up a test blog where i tried out features before using them "live".  i still have that blog--no, i'm not giving you the address--but i'm moving the ella posts here.  after all, this is not a test, this is real life.

stroller waving (posted june 12, 2004 at 01:17 AM)

"my goodness how you love a stroller ride!!! sometimes you won't even let me take you out of the stroller when we get to school. and now you have a queenly wave, riding with one hand holding onto the tray and the other hand raised as if waving to the world. and the squeal! it makes your daddy and me so happy.

things you watch on your stroller rides:

the ground
vehicles that make loud noises
other babies"

stand up 8 (posted june 12, 2004 at 11:20 PM)

"all week long you have been trying to let go and stand alone. you do it best in the bed--i guess the soft mattress helps you hold your balance--but more and more you are trying it on the floor, and every time you look more and more confident.

"i love the smile on your face when you learn something new. you are so proud! and i am so proud of you too. i am so thankful that i get to be your mommy."

heavy breathing  (posted June 13, 2004 at 02:09 AM)

"just today you started making the sweetest sound, it is like a happy "hahahahaha" when you get excited, but it is soft heavy breathing. you do it most when you see one of the dogs, but you will do it on demand if i start first. and you have a smile that says, "i figured out something else i can do!" "

all in one day  (posted june 14, 2004 at 11:48 PM)

"today you waved at me!!! you stood at your step-n-play, pulling on the bell, and then you waved with a giant smile on your face and a happy happy squeal. and when i waved back, you did it again! you wave just like i do--with your hand wide open, waving your arm side to side. or in your case, more up and down. :)

"and you started feeding your cheerios to the doggies. sometimes you just dropped them on the floor, and sometimes you let them lick them out of your hand. you looked so cute, sitting in your high chair, reaching down to the doggies and trying to pet them. i love how excited you get when we come home and they greet you, you kick and giggle and nearly wiggle yourself out of my arms."

singing  (posted june 16, 2004 at 01:39 PM)

"a sweet soft hum, sometimes when i'm singing, sometimes when the radio is playing, but definitely trying to be part of the music. it is the sweetest sound i've heard yet."

(notice the time on these posts--all but one was made in the middle of the night after nursing her back to sleep.)

"and you started feeding your cheerios to the doggies. sometimes you just dropped them on the floor, and sometimes you let them lick them out of your hand. you looked so cute, sitting in your high chair, reaching down to the doggies and trying to pet them. i love how excited you get when we come home and they greet you, you kick and giggle and nearly wiggle yourself out of my arms."

toddler zen garden

haiku mediation:

pink toy sippy cup,

two stones that i call cookies;

here, have some, kitty.

"shoe-shoe! o shoe!"

that is an actual quote, and this is an actual picture of the quote in progress:

everywhere is a playground

ella running in and out and around and thru the racks of clothing at wal-mart, rudi chasing, both of them laughing for joy at their own fun.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

a couple of days ago, we had a playdate at centennial park.  there are two playgrounds there, one for little kids and one for bigger kids.  naturally, we were at the little kids playground, but ella didn't realize that she was a little kid, so she took off for the big kids playground.  notice the tube slide:

 

by the time i caught up to her, she had already climbed the stairs and thus began the following--

ready....

set....

goooooooooooooo!!!

dare angel

i have to call her that, because she is too sweet to call a dare devil.

our theater is right across the street from the famous dragon park, which has a wonderful playground called lily's garden. this playground is designed so that people of all abilities can play--there are wide, shallow ramps for wheelchairs to go to the very top of the equipment, and there are places underneath where wheelchairs can fit too, that have fun things like chimes to ring, a pretend house area with swinging doors and window cut-outs, and alphabet logs to spin, plus lots of other fun stuff to do all over. there are three slides--a short one, a taller one, and a circular one that you can see in the picture in the link. today ella walked around this playground for the first time--usually we have to carry her, but now that she can walk pretty good she wanted to walk herself--and she went straight to the top, right to the circular slide. so rudi stood where he could catch her and i held her at the top, and when i let go she went FLYING down, squealing all the way. she practically climbed the side of the playground trying to get back up and go again. i think she went down at least 7 or 8 times and she would have gone more if we had let her.

i love this picture. it captures something essential about ella that i cannot put into words. it is more than joy, it is something like bliss, delight, surrender, all rolled into one. i hope i can help her keep this as she grows up, it is too precious and sacred, it is every child's birthright, and i don't want the world to take it away from her.

it IS genetic

one of ella's favorite books is happy baby friends, a cardboard book with just five pages--"faces", "things we do", "moving", "things we eat", "things we wear". the only picture in the whole book that she points to is: shoes.

my little helper

ella has always loved the doggies and kitties, she loves to pet them and play with them and for the most part, they let her. she especially loves to give them bites of her food, and she squeals and kicks and claps when i let her help me feed them. she finally took it upon herself to feed them on her own--she got into the pantry and pushed the kitty chow bucket around to the piano (we have to feed the kitties up high, because the dogs eat their food if it is on the floor), so i let her help me scoop out some chow and then she pushed the bucket back to the pantry.

she is so smart--i have never tried to teach her to do these kinds of things--but i've always included her in everything i do, and so she learns. she hasn't tried to do this again--i think it was a lot of work for a tiny girl to push a big bucket!--but that's ok, i'm happy to carry a squealing, kicking, clapping baby while i do it myself.