the ELLA echo

starting out advent trying to not be a loser

i messed up something really really bad at work earlier this month--something that cost time and money and man hours and potentially my job--but i didn't find out about it until last night.  i barely slept all night, worrying and being mad at myself about it.  and what did that accomplish???  absolutely nothing.  the mess is made, there isn't really any clean up that can be done, so it's time to move on.

why am i telling you this?  because this is a huge lesson in self-awareness for me.  i've recently realized that EVERYTHING i do is reflected back to me in the only true, honest mirror i've ever had:  ella.  and beating herself up for something that is over is NOT something i want her to learn.

so now i have to develop a whole new way of interacting with myself.  how should i treat myself, and others, after a such a huge mistake?  exactly the way i hope ella will treat herself, and others--with compassion, with some humor, and with a second chance.

so that's how i'm starting out my advent season:  i'm going to try giving myself a break.  and i'm going to try giving everybody around me a break too.  goodness knows, we could all use it.

late for work and loving it

wanna know what kinds of things sidetrack me on a daily basis?  click and behold:

maybe it's the dancer in me

this time last year, when it started getting cold, i kept ella in footy pajama outfits more or less round the clock.  my favorites were the striped ones, she had some that were pink and white with tiny stripes, and some that were hot pink and baby pink with wide stripes, and they all reminded me of cindy lou who.  they were easy, they were cute, and they kept her warm.  it made me feel like such a good mommy to know that my baby's little piggies were safe and sound inside their little footies.

but soon she found her feet, and whenever she got them out of those jammies, she put them in her mouth.  and i have to admit, i did it too, i had those sweet piggies in my mouth every single day.

soon she started rolling over, and before long the footies of the jammies were getting worn and stained, and they stayed wet from being in her mouth, and my heart was sore from seeing these little signs of my baby getting so grown up so fast. 

then spring came, and one day it was plenty warm so i put her in plain pants--no footies--and her toes were finally free!!!  she could get to them any time she wanted to, and so could i.  we've spent many many hours playing "this little piggy", and she learned to say "whee! whee! whee! whee!" which comes out "wa! wa! wa! wa!", and we've patted our feet together on the carpet and kicked a ball back and forth and i've kissed and snuggled and squeezed those piggies all day long.

it's cold here again now, winter is coming, and the first day it was really cold i rushed out to get her some new footy pajamas, because of course she had outgrown all the ones from last year.  i went all over the mall, looking for just the right thing--they had to be pink, and at least one pair had to be striped, and they had to have footies because my baby's piggies needed to be kept warm.   i got three pairs, i took them home and washed them right away so she could wear them that night.

when we got out of the bath and got in our jammies, i was so excited!  and.......she hated them.  she tugged on those footies so hard that she got her knee stuck up near her tummy, and she cried and cried, and nothing would do but to take them off. 

but the funny thing was:  i hate them too.  i missed her piggies.  i suddenly realized that i wouldn't be able to feel her toes scrunching up on my tummy while she slept, that when she lifted her piggies up for me to kiss, i'd get a mouthful of footies instead of a mouth full of piggies.

so i cut the footies right off.  i bound the edges with elastic, and we both got those piggies back.  and i slept so well last night, knowing that my baby's piggies are free to wiggle and snuggle and ready to kiss whenever i need them.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

a couple of days ago, we had a playdate at centennial park.  there are two playgrounds there, one for little kids and one for bigger kids.  naturally, we were at the little kids playground, but ella didn't realize that she was a little kid, so she took off for the big kids playground.  notice the tube slide:

 

by the time i caught up to her, she had already climbed the stairs and thus began the following--

ready....

set....

goooooooooooooo!!!

backpack! backpack!

my parents sent ella a backpack for her birthday.  she loved it right away, she kept putting in her favorite books, a wallet, a hair brush, a telephone, and a tiara, but she wouldn't wear the backpack until.......

she saw dora the explorer.  now she drags this backpack all over the house, and she asks to put it on in the morning before we come to work.  she hasn't opened it for days, but she has worn it everywhere.

where have i been???

i have no idea, october is a blur. but you'll be happy to learn that it ended on a happy note. so without further ado, i give you: an angel baby, in candy corn format